Oh... how am I feeling?!

Well the last few posts have been about things, good things, but I haven’t really talked about how I am doing these days.

We volunteers just got back from an AMAZING weekend, spent in Tegus at a pretty swanky hotel.  Every 6 months we have a retreat, where we go somewhere to spend time together off the Ranch and regroup.  (We lucked out this time with a small group, so we were able to stretch our retreat budget and stay at the said swanky hotel.  This might be the only time it happens.)

This retreat seriously came at a great time.  The last few weeks have been a little crazy.  I feel like every day I am struggling with something.  Recently, I have realized that people (basically, everyone outside of the volunteers) have expectations of me, but I don’t really know what they are, so I am constantly failing.  Yes, this may be a bit of an exaggeration, but to an extent, not really.  Because there is still a language barrier, and it seems that culturally, people don’t really let you in on things anyway, there is indeed some things that I don’t get, or miss, or what not.  And, of course it’s my fault (please note sarcasm), so people get annoyed with me.  And, let me tell ya, it’s frustrating.  I am trying to let things like this roll off my back, and to focus on the little things (like actually getting told that I am “in charge” of the internal clinic this week, while the external is closed b/c all employees have off, BEFORE the week has started… crazy, huh?) that have worked out well.  It’s not easy, but I am trying.

Inside the house, we have had some interesting changes in our group dynamics recently.  With any type of unexpected change, there are some frustrations, awkward moments and resentments that if not controlled quickly, will overrun us and become a poison inside our community.   It was getting to that point, but we have talked about things as a group, and feel confident to move on and not dwell on the past.  Again, our retreat this past weekend helped solidify us as a group, reminded us how much of an influence every person has on our community and that we are in constant need of each others support and love.

We all had to set some goals, as well.  One of my goals is to really look at the positive things that happen everyday.  I am still struggling with feeling content and happy everyday.  As you all know, I was so, so, SO excited to come here before I left, and beat myself up for not feeling the same everyday.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad and depressed everyday.  But, I just don’t have this overwhelming joy that I thought I was going to have while I was here.  My work is hard, the language is rough, and people are not as accepting as one would think.  And to deal with those things everyday, really clouds the things that really are going well.  One of my friends here told me that it’s really ok to not feel happy everyday.  It’s not something that I am doing wrong or not doing enough of.  I have felt a little encouraged by this, and other volunteers saying up until their 6ish month, they still struggled with feeling like they belonged and that everything was great.  So, here is to trying to look at the positive things, relying on the other volunteers, and relaxing a bit more to enjoy the moments here.

Now, here are a few pics of things from the last little while.  Seriously, sorry I have sucked so bad about blogging lately! :)

All of the clinic staff at Heather's despidida (good bye party).

Most of my boys one random night... some being silly!

A little birthday present for my mom, back in May!

The amazing pizza that the Italians made us. :)

Me and Julia... one of the newest babes! :)  How cute is she!?

The pool at Hotel Maya!

haha, Caroline and Hunter enjoying the Peruvian restaurant.

Hunter, Michelle and I hamming it up. :)  

(Please look how long my hair is!)

Last day of retreat, enjoying the pool!

Prayers!

I know I haven’t been a very good blogger these days, but things have been pretty busy, and the Internet has been acting weird lately.   I will try harder!

Right now, I was wondering if I could discuss with you some things.  First, please, please, please keep NPH in your prayers always.  I have said this before, but I just like to remind you all.  :)  God is seriously doing some amazing things here, even though it’s hard to see all of the time, when the demand and frustrations of every day life get in the way.  But, it’s true.  There are so many good people that God is using to help, teach, encourage and love these kids here on the Ranch.  Everyone works so hard, and I just feel like they could use a few extra prayers.

Also, I was wondering if you could pray for the External Clinic, as well.  Yes, that is where I work everyday, to help provide affordable healthcare to the surrounding communities (sometimes even 4 hours away!) around the Ranch.  Every day we see anywhere from 20-40 patients who receive care for a variety of things, from common colds and allergies to diabetes and hypertension.  We also have a functioning laboratory, where again we can provide people with an affordable option to get exams that otherwise they wouldn’t be able to.  We are not a hospital, nor are we able to help every single person that comes through, but we are always willing, and I think that’s a big thing in and of itself.

It’s an amazing blessing that NPH is able to support this type of clinic.  It’s even been said that when finances are a struggle we would never shut down or close the External Clinic.  The Ranch has built an amazing relationship with the outside community; it would be a tragedy both to the people we help on a daily basis, and the great example it is to the kids.   And, sometimes I worry that the clinic is going to fall apart!  We are full into the rainy season here… and it rains a lot!  Lately, we have had some of the heaviest rains I have experienced.  With that type of rain comes some problems like leaks.  And the clinic has some leaks!  We have enough money to get a new roof, but we are now waiting for a little more to help out with a re-model of the clinic and lab!  We don’t want to put a new roof on right away and then have to remove it again to fix the inside.  It’s a very exciting prospect, but something that we will just have to wait and see.  I specifically ask that you pray that this remodel happens, so that all of our medications, pharmacy supplies, patient charts, etc are protected!

I would also like to take this moment to thank ALL of the people that support the External Clinic through pray, monetary donations or medical/pharmacy supplies!  It’s because of you all that we are able to touch as many lives as we do.  A little shout out to the people (from Germany, I believe!) who donated a MONTON (HUGE) amount of medications to help our kids AND the External.  It was seriously like Christmas morning getting all of those boxes.  And, thanks to my mom for all of the awesome diabetic supplies!  I can't wait for the next Dia de Diabetes. :)

Thank you for reading, listening and praying.  It means a lot.

Paz y Amor

Welp, I have some exciting news...

This would be the mechanism that is now giving the volunteer house HOT WATER!!!!  I know I came to Honduras to live a simpilar life, and maybe not having hot water was a good thing.  But, it was a donation, and I have always been a fan of free things.  So, I don't want to offend the donator by NOT using the hotness. :)

And this...

I know this doesn't look like anything special to you, but trust me, it's pretty amazing.  Inside this box, people from Italy donated a BAKERY!  A legit, stainless steel bakery.  For bread.  And, let me tell you... the bread is TO DIE FOR!! :)  The baker is teaching some older kids how to run it, so that we can continue with the amazing bread.

And this evening, the Italians are treating us to real. Italian. PIZZA.  This girl is excited! :)

Asi es!

Well, I have completed 4 months here on the Ranch and 5 months in Honduras, and here are just a few things I would like to share… asi es aqui en Honduras (so it is here is Honduras!):

·      I think that seasons should be marked by the bugs/creatures.  When I first got to the Ranch, the cicadas were NUTS, then came the ronrons (these really stupid bugs that buzz really loud, fly into things and then die), now the frogs are out everywhere, along with the flies and these weird moth looking things.

·      I don’t freak out too badly when the power goes out anymore.  When I first got here I felt like my stomach would fall out, now my heart just skips for a hot second.

·      I made a cake the other day, and was really, really bummed to find that these tiny, obnoxious ants were all over it.  Ugh.  Everyone was like, ‘just ice it, no one will know.’  Really?  Um, ok.  So, I scraped some away, iced it, and served it.  Everyone ate it, including me.

·      The sound of the rain pounding on our metal roof is one of the best sounds.

·      I have become a person that dresses like a dude and performs a dance with the other volunteers in front of the entire Ranch.

·      Cockroaches are still really creepy bugs.

·      It’s been so hot these days that my cold shower actually feels good sometimes.  I never thought I would say that.  (Nor do I use it all of the time, there are a few people that have the heaters for the showers.)

·      The frogs sound like aliens, not the normal “ribbit”.

·      When the Internet is out… it’s really not the end of the world.  It’s actually a little refreshing.

·      One of the girls (as in one of the girls that works there) brought a kitten to the clinic the other day… to the clinic.  It was hanging out and such.  No one seemed to mind.

·      It’s really exciting when the kids here know your name, and they yell it.  For no reason at all.

There are many things that I could add to this list, but I will leave it at that.  I will create another one soon, I am sure.

Abrazos y Amor!

Photos...

So, I have mentioned Hunter before as the person with the pics.  Well, it's true; he is our resident photographer/videographer here in the house and on the Ranch.  If you look at the NPH Honduras website, you will see the articles he has written, and the photos he has taken.  He is pretty talented, and I think it's worth your time to take a look at his pics and/or articles.

Here is his Flickr account that he has so willingly allowed us to share.  It's all of his photos that he edits and puts up, so it varies from event to event and day to day.

Enjoy!!

Seriously?

Hm... I don't know what it is about this country, but I have been SICK a ton.

Ugh, what is up with that?

Just so you all are in the know... the obnoxious cough that I mentioned now has a diagnosis:

PNEUMONIA!

Seriously?  First that UTI, then I burned my foot, now this.  What will next month bring?  I mean, I knew I was going to have some obstacles, but I didn't think it would involve my health.  Man.

Feria de Salud, Brigada y Cedros!

Phew, it’s been a while since I have done this blogging thing, but I have also been pretty busy.  Let’s see, where to begin…

Ah, yes, right have Easter, Heather planned a Feria de Salud (Health Fair) in the school and middle school and asked if I could take a topic to discuss.  There were 8 stations, varying from all different areas of health from illness prevention to personal hygiene.  I had hand washing!  I chose this topic for a few reasons; 1) I had a poster already from when Heather and I did an activity in the school right after I got here, 2) b/c of the timing of said activity my Spanish REALLY sucked, and I wanted to redeem myself a little, and 3) the kids need ALL the help they can get to wash their hands.  The younger kids (especially in Casa Suyapa) don’t have any issues because someone is always telling them and then making sure that they do it.  For the older kids, everyone just assumes that they are mature enough to do it on their own.  Well, unfortunately, they are not.  Amazingly enough, all of the kids, young to old, knew so much about the importance of hand washing, when to do it and how to do it.  The thing is, THEY HAVE TO DO IT!!

It was a long (think, repeating the same thing over and over), but fun day.  There were only a few moments where someone had to correct my Spanish, or I had to ask for help because I didn’t know what someone was saying.  All in all, it was a successful day for everyone, and I am sure the kids learned a little something, too. :)

My awesome poster.

The ladies I work with everyday... from left, Dra Sandra, Maria, Me, Rebecca and Dra Irina

The cool hand inspection box 

(used with a special gel that represents germs and glows with a black light)

The Thursday after Easter, the brigade started in full swing with consults both in the surgery center and the external clinic.  I was looking forward to the brigade for a while, so I was happy to have it started!   The days were long, the nursing was still different, and I realized that my Spanish still needs a lot of work.  There were 4 specialties (Ortho, Gyno, ENT, and General), we saw over 700 people and had almost 100 surgeries.  Even though those numbers are impressive, it’s not about the numbers.  As Kate (the coordinator of the brigades) summed it up, it’s about the 2 Ranch kids who got ear surgery and will be able to hear better, it’s about the men and women who had hernias and weren’t able to work b/c of the pain and will be able to support their families again, it’s about those people who were living in pain because of orthopedic issues who will now (I hope!) be pain free and live their lives better and more fuller.

It’s about the patients and making their quality of life a little better so they can move on and live that life the way they were meant to.  It’s good thing to try to keep in mind, especially when the day-to-day frustrations, or overwhelming desire to crawl back into bed clouds the focus of why there are 50 extra people on the Ranch, all working towards the same thing.

Here are a few pictures I gathered.  I don’t have many, but Hunter has some that he took, and I will share those when he is finished.

Pre-op

Heather taking her turn scrubbing in and helping out the surgery.

Yup, mine turn.  Of all things I scrubbed in for... a foot.  An amputation for a toe.  

(and yes, I still don't like feet)

Rebecca was able to watch some surgeries, too!

Hunter working hard on that knee.

This past weekend, I worked a little differently.  Usually when it’s my weekend to work, I work Friday evening, and then Saturday (and, of course, I am on call the whole weekend).  Well, the entire ranch was going to a town called Cedros on Sunday, so because of that, I could go with them!  I loaded up the first aid kit (you just never know!) and was ready.  I wish I got to see more of the town, but I hung out with Casa Suyapa mostly, and we went to one of the Tia’s houses, and relaxed there for a while.  Everyone had lunch (rice, chicken, salad and tortillas made by the tios) on one of the fields, while we waited for the soccer games to be over.  It was a longer day than I anticipated, so I was so ready to be back home!

I wish I was able to see inside that church.

All of Casa Suyapa chillin' under a tree.

Cute Alberth. :)

Enjoying their treats!

I currently have this really obnoxious cough, am a little stressed that Heather is leaving soon, and worried that I really won’t be able to handle all of this here.  So, if you have a few extra moments, say some prayers for me!

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods!

Cena Amistosa

As I mentioned in my last post, on Easter evening, all of the volunteers had an INCREDIBLE dinner!

It's a time where we cook a great meal (not ranch food!), dress a little nicer and enjoy each others company.  We have Cena Amistosas every few months, and I was really looking forward to my first one!  We spent most of the afternoon cooking, preparing and cleaning.  We enjoyed every second of it.  Enjoy the following pictures!

My really great deviled eggs that I made from our dyed ones!

Amanda and I.  Please noticed the 'ambiance'... Hunter and I were in charge!

haha, Caroline and I. :)

MmMmMm... look at that food!

My incredibly awesome, full plate.  Meatballs, scalloped potatoes, homemade bread, broccoli, carrots, and rice.

Such a great group of people!

Semana Santa

Ahem, this post has lots of reflection and is quite long; feel free to skip to the pictures throughout. :)

So, as the title of my blog suggests, and if you have followed for a while (or know me personally), you already know I have indeed followed God’s call to be here in Honduras.  But, it seems that I have strayed a little from talking about it in my posts.  I can’t say I have done this purposely, but I think it’s a good representation of how my faith falls in my daily life.  If you do know me, it’s a struggle I have in general, and something that I always strive to be better at.  If it’s something I struggle with at home, with an awesome diocese (what up, Arlington?! Woot!), amazing friends just a call away, and resources up the wazoo, then I think it’s almost expected to struggle when those things are taken away and you are thrown in with all different types of people who don’t all share the same faith.  It has indeed been hard, but God still uses the little things (and it helps that my roommate is Catholic, and NPH is Catholic, of course!) to remind me of His love and His desires for me.

I don’t tell you all of these things for you to feel bad for me.  I have said from the beginning that I am going to be honest with you all, and that means sometimes talking about the things that are hard, awkward, and we like to turn away from.  But, I love talking about my faith, all aspects of it, so this shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone.  I actually think I am like an open book- for better or for worse.

With all of that out of the way, the rest of this will be about the lovely Semana Santa we had here on the Ranch that led up to Easter.  In typical Jen fashion, I had all of these great things planned for Lent at the beginning (not before, let’s be serious.  I didn’t realize Ash Wednesday was even upon me until the night before!), and have failed.  Miserably.  (I know this normal, sometimes we struggle to pray more, fast more and prepare in general for Jesus’ Rising, but these things should be done.)  And, then all of a sudden we celebrated Palm Sunday last week, and we headed full force into celebrating this special season of the liturgical year.  The time here seems to fly by more quickly than I anticipated!

As I noted before, the external clinic was closed, and I was “in charge” of the internal clinic.  All of the employees have the week off, so the university /high school students and volunteers run the show for the week.  There was some confusion in the schedule at the clinic, so I ended up being there everyday, instead of being “on “call” some of the days.  It was really ok.  I feel like I know the internal clinic a bit better now.  And, again, thank goodness Bill and Susan (doc and PA) are here, it sure makes thing run a little smoother, and not have to worry about taking all the kids to the hospital.  And, we saw some interesting things including a bad burn (from burning trash) and a crazy bog bite!  I love learning new things.

Holy Thursday came about, and thus began the many things for the triduum.  We had Mass and Eucharistic Adoration (you know I love me some good adoration time) in the evening.  It had been SO long.  As soon as I walked into the tiny capilla (chapel), I felt like Jesus was giving me a hug.  It was great.  I was really looking forward to being with Casa Suyapa (each Hogar had a time slot), but they had finished right when I got there.  That was a bummer, but I enjoyed my time nonetheless. 

I brought I Thirst: Saint Therese of Lisieux and Mother Teresa by Jacques Gauther to reflect upon.  (Fitting for the time of year… nice job, God)  It’s a pretty intense book, as it has taken be a while to read b/c I find that I stop every few moments to reflect on something.  These were the words that struck me that night:

“Love that has been given to us should not stay in our souls. 

It needs to reconnect with its source and it wants to continue through us its drive to give of itself.”

~Father Marie-Eugène, O.C.D.

How fitting.  The reasons I am here are to love the kids, and the people that I help in the clinic.  I have received SO much love my entire life, it is only fair to give of that love to others, just as God calls us to do.  It was a great reflection, and just what I needed to hear, during this lull in my faith and to remind me of what the heck I am doing here.

I was energized for The Way of the Cross on Good Friday the next morning, but wasn’t able to make it because there was no one in the clinic.  I was sad about that, as I heard it was a pretty cool thing to attend because the entire ranch participates and the last few stations are live, acted out by some of the younger kids.

But, I was able to attend the Veneration of the Cross that evening and was really happy I went.  It was a bit longer than I anticipated (think, almost 500 kids processed to kneel and pray at the cross), but it was moving and special.  During his homily, Padre talked about the symbolism of rope (with knots, it was similar to the one that Jesus was whipped with) and how the knots represent our sins and the knots in our hearts that prevent us from loving God and others.  He passed some rope out that we tied knots in, and then when we went up to venerate the cross, we put our knotted rope on the cross.  Watching it fill with so many pieces of rope was an awesome image to remind us that Jesus died because of those sins that were weighing Him down.  It was really neat, and something that I won’t forget.

Friday evening, some of the volunteers and I dyed some eggs!! :) I hadn’t dyed Easter eggs in a long time, and it brought back some good memories.  Thanks, Caroline!

Saturday was spent having good conversations with the other volunteers, relaxing, doing laundry, spending some time in the clinic, and eating.

Finally, Easter was here!  Alleluia!  Let’s be honest, not all of us (actually, were any of us??) were looking forward to waking up super early for the 4am sunrise Mass.  But, we did, and it was beautiful (and long as it was the vigil mass.  We weren’t expecting that!).  We all gathered in Buen Pastor (the boys side) and started with a huge bonfire, where Padre threw in all of our pieces of rope (from the veneration of the cross) to signify throwing away the old and new life beginning.  The Pascal Candle was lit and then we all lit our own that stemmed from the original.

We then processed back to the chapel and Mass began.  There was one baptism, and it was one of my boys, Alberth!!  :)  It was really sweet.  As a whole all of the kids did really well during mass, even though we didn’t end until almost 7am, and we all had been up since 3.

This was the only pic I had of him smiling. :)  And, our baptismal font is brand spanking new!

The rest of Easter Sunday was pretty tranquilo (calm), as everyone napped and relaxed for most of the day.  It ended with an AMAZING Cena Amistosa (friendship dinner) with all of the volunteers.  It was so good that it deserves its on blog post.

Thank you for making it this far.  I hope that you had a wonderful and blessed Easter with family and friends.

Blessings to you all!