Some News

I am not really sure where to begin this post.

As some of you know, I have been struggling with some stuff the last few months, some of which I may have alluded to in one way or another.  But, I am not going to hash it out on here, as this is not the place, nor do I think everyone really needs to know.

Basically, what things have boiled down to (which doesn’t make it easy or understandable) is that I am not content/happy.  I can’t say that it’s all things to do with the Ranch, and my life here in Honduras.  But, my unhappiness has come from somewhere a little more within, and has begun to effect many aspects of my daily life.  Something is missing.

After doing much reflection, I think I began feeling this way before I left for Honduras, but kind of pushed those thoughts and feelings aside because I was about to embark on a really great adventure, where I probably thought I would find myself a little more.

Well, I have indeed found out a lot about myself, but not the things that affect my inside: my heart, my soul.  Something is indeed missing, and I am not sure I am going to find it here.

Therefore, I have made the (very difficult and agonizing) decision to leave the Ranch and Honduras.

I have spent countless hours thinking, praying, talking to others (mainly my family/friends and our amazing and supportive volunteer coordinator), crying and agonizing about what the right thing is.  I don’t necessarily want to leave, but I don’t think staying is the right thing either.  This also doesn’t mean I have these great plans ahead of me or know exactly what I am going to do next, and that’s ok.  I need to take care of me, and make sure I am happy and content with this amazing life that God has given me.

I want to just thank everyone who has supported me, prayed for me, read this blog, sent encouraging emails, etc.  It really means so very much that you have taken the time and care to know how I am doing.  Please continue to pray for me as I figure out what the next steps are for my life.

Also, if anyone from NPH or anyone interested in volunteering with NPH has been reading along, please know that NPH and, specifically, NPH Honduras is a great place, doing wonderful things for all of these kids.  I am so lucky and blessed to have been a part of this place, but I am just not sure that it was a perfect fit for me.  If you have any questions, please don’t ever hesitate to email me.

As I don’t know what I am doing with my life (I mean, this is kind of normal at age 27… right? … right?), I don’t know where this blog will go, either.  I think I will take a break from updating it for now, and possibly revamp it in the future.  Thank you for tagging along on this crazy adventure, following God’s call to Honduras… and beyond. :)

¡Roatan!

Whoa... it's been a bit since I posted, but I was on vacay, so it's ok. :)  Instead of telling you all about it, I know you would appreciate pictures instead... so please enjoy!!  We had a few days on the ranch and then went to the island of Roatan!

Mom got to meet her godson, Isai!

The amazing view from the pool.

Amazing.

Funny story about getting this massage on the beach... ask me about it sometime. :)

Gorgeous sunset!

Taking the water taxi to the west end to walk around.

Then we found a dude walking by with a monkey. :)

My turn.

We went zip-lining!!

Mom fought her fear and did it too!!

Where we ended our zip-lining right near the beach.

Then a walk through the park.

More monkeys to hang out with.

So pretty!!

It was a really amazing vacation spent with my mom!  We couldn't have asked for better weather, a perfect place to stay and of course company! :)

Despidida y Brigada

It's been a pretty busy week.  The brigade began in full swing with consults Thursday through Saturday.  I worked with the dermatologist most of the time, who was just doing many consults and minor excisions of various things.  I was also able to interpret for some of the ortho consults, too.  And, ya know what?  My Spanish has improved.  I remember reflecting on it the last brigade and thinking that it wasn't very good back then.  Let's not get ahead of ourselves here, and think that it's just totally awesome.  It's not.  But, it's better, and that is a good thing. :)  And, I have to keep reminding myself of that when I am frustrated and think that I know nothing!

We interrupted the brigade to say goodbye to some of the old volunteers with their despidida.  It was much harder this time to say goodbye, as I have grown close to the ladies that were leaving.  We had a great dinner at one of the local places, had some drinks and went out dancing.  It was a fun (and very late) night!  It's just awesome when all of the volunteers can be together, in one place, at the same time.

Irene and I... so cute. :)  Miss you already!

ALL of us! :)  Such a big group!  I love you all!

Kate!!  I miss you, too!

Roomies!  :)

A few of the newbies. :)

Monday came along, and Alissa (pictured above in the last pic, on the right) and I decided to split our time between the external and helping with the brigade.  I think it worked out well.  It was a little different experience for me this time, as I already had a brigade under my belt.  I kind of felt like I belonged this time, but it's still weird not knowing all of these people who come to help for the brigade, at this place that has become like a home.  It's always hard to share your home with so many people, ya know?  But, it's what the Ranch is about it.  Bring people in to help love, teach and be there for our kids and the outside community.  It's also hard b/c it's all things American.  Ha, all of the English, good food, and American medical standard.  I miss it.  All of it.  I am not sure what I miss more though, hospital nursing or things that remind me of home.  Who knows?!

My time during the brigade was running back and forth from pre-op to phase 1 (where the patients go right after surgery) and phase 2 (where the patients are awake, can start drinking something, and can see family) to peaking in on the surgeries.  Because my Spanish is better, I felt more comfortable explaining things and helping out with discharge.  I didn't take any pics this time, other than when I was scrubbed in helping with a knee arthroscopy.  Well, of course, I didn't take them, one of the girls did! 

Haha, all scrubbed, waiting to dress in my sterile stuff.

Listening intently to Dr. Daly

Oh yea!

Don't you just love my 60's style goggles?! :)

Welp, that's about all that's going on here.  The countdown is in FULL swing to see my mom... FIVE daysssss! :) :)  I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.  Just TWO more days of work and then this much needed time to be with my mom, relax, reflect and recharge.

¡Abrazos y Paz!