I am not really sure where to begin this post.
As some of you know, I have been struggling with some stuff the last few months, some of which I may have alluded to in one way or another. But, I am not going to hash it out on here, as this is not the place, nor do I think everyone really needs to know.
Basically, what things have boiled down to (which doesn’t make it easy or understandable) is that I am not content/happy. I can’t say that it’s all things to do with the Ranch, and my life here in Honduras. But, my unhappiness has come from somewhere a little more within, and has begun to effect many aspects of my daily life. Something is missing.
After doing much reflection, I think I began feeling this way before I left for Honduras, but kind of pushed those thoughts and feelings aside because I was about to embark on a really great adventure, where I probably thought I would find myself a little more.
Well, I have indeed found out a lot about myself, but not the things that affect my inside: my heart, my soul. Something is indeed missing, and I am not sure I am going to find it here.
Therefore, I have made the (very difficult and agonizing) decision to leave the Ranch and Honduras.
I have spent countless hours thinking, praying, talking to others (mainly my family/friends and our amazing and supportive volunteer coordinator), crying and agonizing about what the right thing is. I don’t necessarily want to leave, but I don’t think staying is the right thing either. This also doesn’t mean I have these great plans ahead of me or know exactly what I am going to do next, and that’s ok. I need to take care of me, and make sure I am happy and content with this amazing life that God has given me.
I want to just thank everyone who has supported me, prayed for me, read this blog, sent encouraging emails, etc. It really means so very much that you have taken the time and care to know how I am doing. Please continue to pray for me as I figure out what the next steps are for my life.
Also, if anyone from NPH or anyone interested in volunteering with NPH has been reading along, please know that NPH and, specifically, NPH Honduras is a great place, doing wonderful things for all of these kids. I am so lucky and blessed to have been a part of this place, but I am just not sure that it was a perfect fit for me. If you have any questions, please don’t ever hesitate to email me.
As I don’t know what I am doing with my life (I mean, this is kind of normal at age 27… right? … right?), I don’t know where this blog will go, either. I think I will take a break from updating it for now, and possibly revamp it in the future. Thank you for tagging along on this crazy adventure, following God’s call to Honduras… and beyond. :)