I still can’t pinpoint exactly what has caused me to be so overwhelmed, but I guess there isn’t just one thing. This life is just a huge change, there are still so many new things and I am not around my normal support system. It’s hard to not always feel welcome and be expected to know what to already do. It’s hard when people get frustrated when you don’t understand them, as in language.
I knew things were going to be hard, tiring, frustrating, but I wasn’t expecting to feel this overwhelmed so early on. Every volunteer says that the first 3-4 months are rough. This is comforting on one level, but completely daunting on another. I just want to be past that point already! I want to speak and understanding Spanish, I want to know where everything is and all the people that I am supposed to know. Ah, patience… isn’t that something I am supposed to have here? I know in my head that this time will come, but it’s hard to see clearly.
I was also a little stunned about the craziness of my hogar and not feeling very welcome there. All of the volunteers say that this is their best part of the experience, but it can take a while. Ah, yes, that patience thing again. The last few nights have been really good, and I have gotten to cuddle with the boys. They are really sweet when they are tired and falling asleep! I am making some progress in getting to know a few of the tios/tias (uncles/aunts in Spanish, but this refers to the caregivers to the kids) that work with Casa Suyapa, but the language thing gets in the way.
This is also the time where I really have to reach down deep and make the effort to pray and turn to God. I know He is there for me, but I need to put forth the effort and draw my strength, courage and peace from Him.
Even though I may sound a little depressed here, be assured that I am not! I am feeling better, and am overall doing well. These moments will come and go throughout my time here, and that is to be expected.
One last thing, this morning I went to make coffee and the entire coffee pot was completely overrun by cockroaches. Yes, it was disgusting. Apparently, that’s just what they do… and I will “get used to it.” Um, we will see about that. I think I might buy myself a small one and keep it in my room, in a plastic thing… or something.
Yup, this Honduran Adventure is plugging along. :)