I have pondered many things since I have been here on the Ranch, and this week has been no exception. Peace has been thrown around in my conversations with many people about my experience so far. Is peace something you feel right away about something, or does it take time to make it’s way to your heart and soul? I have been struggling to find that peace here, when I was so sure it was waiting for me before I came. God called me to serve in this way, put the desire on my heart, so it just seems fitting that I would be at peace with what God wants. Right? Well, apparently not; not this time, with this thing in my life. There are so many good things here, but I am just having this unsettled, restless feeling in my heart. Because I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing, I have to be confident about feeling at peace with my decision, the people here, my life here, and having confidence in myself. But, as everything else does in this new life, everything takes time. The patience that I thought I had is surely being stretched to the max. It’s just one of a gazillion things that I will learn about myself during the year.
Another interesting musing is that this whole experience is supposed to be about someone else, not me. Yet, all I have been thinking about, worrying about and talking about (blog posts, case in point) have all been about ME. Hm, a little selfish, huh? I mean it’s easy to get sucked into it with ALL of the changes happening. But, why am I here? I am here to help others. I am here to be with the kids. I am here to help improve the health of Hondurans. I am here for them, not for me. I know I have mentioned this multiple times, but sometimes you have to hear/see/type the truth multiple times (and allow for the fogginess of change and being overwhelmed to clear) to really get the full impact. I need to start changing my thinking to be more loving of others, to serve them, just as God calls all of us to do. I think if I am able to do this, maybe the peace that I am looking for will bring a welcomed sense of calm to my heart. Hmm, that would be nice.
On Thursday night we also had our first spiritual/faith/prayer meeting. Apparently it was something that was started, but then never really continued last year. So, the committee decided to start it back up with the new additions and dynamics to our community. Seriously, God couldn’t have had better timing. :) He is so good like that. I just had a conversation with my friend, Martha, about feeling like I have no one to really talk about my faith with, and then last night we had our first meeting! Awesome. I think it has some great potential and I am really looking forward to seeing where God leads us individually and as a community. We will meet weekly with each person discussing something, and guess who gets the first go at it? Yup, that’s right… ME! Good thing I lived in community after college, I’ve had a little practice. Woo!